But not really. It is up but I don't have anything in it. I want to actually wait until my photography and poetry actually hit a place that I want it to be.

I was at work all day thinking of my new apartment. Thinking of this place which I own, I pay for. I have my own world now, and I get to ride home to it every day.

As soon as I brought that first load of boxes in...no, as soon as I opened the door and smelled fresh paint, I had nothing but a smile on my face for the rest of the day. I couldn't believe it. It felt too easy. It felt like a lie, like nothing would be true if I blinked. But I did blink, and a blinked again, and continued blinking until I drilled it into my brain that this is real, that I have my own place, to take care of, to love and cherish, to take a little pride in. I have a place where I can write. Where I can sing. Where I can walk around naked, haha. YES it is MY PLACE.

I feel so tired, but I don't want to sleep. I want to just stay up and stare at my home, at my mini fridge, at my range, at my bathroom, at my heating element, at my swamp cooler. I HAVE MY OWN SWAMP COOLER!

For the first time in a long time I feel comfortable. I feel like I can actually stand to live here. I feel like the world feels good. Like my life is moving in that direction I want it to go. I am on my way.

Home. Yes. That is what this is.

It is home...

Playing TF2 at four in the mourning is something I am not going to be able to do much longer. Moving is going to be interesting. I dunno what to say about it exactly. I'm just nervous. You never know what can happen in your life. I just worry about money, and being able to pay for rent and all of that. I make enough money, but yeah, if something were to happen the land lords at the complex aren't going to be as forgiving as my friends and family. I guess the nervousness just comes with the territory.

But I suppose this will help me in the long run. Being a little worried about having money will probably make me work a little harder then I normally would, and therefore let me keep my job longer. Who knows, I might be able to get a raise.

It's just so nerve racking. I mean I am going to be living by myself. I wont have anyone to say hi to when I come home. No one to chill with. Yeah, I'll admit, I fucking HATE having people in my house all the damn time, but when there's one dude just chillin' on the computer when I come home and they are actually interested in how my day was...yeah it's a nice feeling.

Honestly I am used to being alone, though. When I lived with my parents I barely talked to them, and the only reason I had a lot of contact with my brother when I lived with him is because he was a twat most of the time and made me talk to him about stupid shit. Then after I moved away from him I moved in with Charles my old boss and NEVER talked to him. I had fun playing xbox and all that at that time, and I figured out I could make time for other people if I wanted to.

I dunno, I was just never one of those guys that goes searching for a party or someone to hang out with. I just enjoy taking it when I can get it.

I really would love a girlfriend though. There is nothing like a women.

So that is pretty much whats on my mind right now. It's been tough the past year. It's been interesting as well. You kind of figure things out a lot better when you are supporting yourself. Who your real friends are. Who really cares. Good to have some closure in some of those matters. But then again that closure leaves a sort of empty space. Its weird.

One day I will be on my own with a nice house. Back yard and everything. Maybe have a couple kids with a beautiful women. One day.

"People say that I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one..."

I have had a good past few days. My birthday was boring, I worked, but I got to hang out with some friends before hand and drink a little beforehand . Yesterday I hung out with those friends all day, went to this place called Archies and had a peanut butter hamburger (suprisingley more tasty then you might think), bought Guitar Hero 2 (it's the best one) and went to an arcade for a little bit and got shot down by like three girls (fucking women, lol).

A former love came back into my life in the last week. It was an interesting experience. She is happily in love with another guy right now, which sucks for me, but as long as she is well I really don't mind. *I just spilt Dr. Pepper Cheery on my lime green shirt, fuck me*

Today I am working in the morning and going out with my family to eat tonight to celebrate my birthday. About two days late, but we were all really busy, so I don't mind. We are going to go out to this mexcican restaurant, mmmm, barrito.

I am moving out on the 13th on monday, gunna be an interesting time as I have not packed anything cause I have no boxes, haha. But life will be worked out well. I'm not going to have power for the first couple of days haha, damn it NV Energy being closed on weekends.
Well, I should probably get back to work. Oh wait, I have no work right now. AWESOME. Time to sit and listen to Modest Mouse.

So yeah I am keeping my job an everything. Getting paid pretty damn well, have extra money all the time, feels really weird. Moving out completely on my own on the 13th. Gunna get a nice little studio close to my work, makes everything easier. I am gunna be trying to work harder and maybe get a little more respect from my co workers. I mean, fuck it, if your gunna work might as well work hard, right?

Zen.